This blog will comprise a collection of ephemera, mess and miscellaneous artifacts reflecting on the writer's life.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Fieldnotes chapter 4 in Ruffield

Abdul tuned the radio to radio Ruffield, sat back and lugged his copy of Archbold 2006 on to the steering wheel and started to take notes, every so often letting out a loud 'Yeah!' when his favourite team, the Ruffield Slides, or United, scored.
They were on the up, as was Abdul.
Studying part-time at Ruffield el-Salaam University (the other University) while doing taxis for his uncle was perfect as a solution.
Abdul's eye's were set on becoming a criminal lawyer, specialising in home-grown terrorism.
It simply was not fair that the London lawyers got all the big cases.
The Ricin Case, Zacarias Moussaoui, Abdul had followed them all and thought he could do better than the Southern gits from London in their sharp suits, who defended them...
His cousin, Zainab, was keen to go into partnership with him as a family lawyer and set up their new exciting law firm Abdul Khan and partners.
It would be a beacon of good practice in South Yorkshire.
Abdul sat and dreamed when suddenly...
The door opened and a high heel came into the taxi followed by a tired looking woman,
'Say' the woman demanded, 'Is this Ruffield?'
Abdul admitted that it was.
'I have been travelling for 24 hours, Ruffield is no where near London and I have not yet found a Laura Mercier lipstick counter'.
Artemis glared at Abdul, her jet lag getting in the way of a normal politeness.
'And now I have to go to some place called Sunmore Conference Centre. You know it?'
'Sure love,' said Abdul in his most calming voice.
He was working on his air of quiet authority for his visits to high security prisons to meet his most exciting clients.
'Take me there,' said Artemis. She was near breaking point.
When she had demanded at Heathrow for a taxi to take her to Ruffield they had taken her to a place called King's Cross St Pancras station and showed her the ticket office.
After queueing (Artemis hated queueing) she had to go on yet another journey (pictured here)

which took her through endless dull places mostly beginning with L and finally to Ruffield where she woke up with a start and found herself staggering out with her large suitcase to Abdul's taxi.
Abdul decided to humour this wierd woman by cheering her up.
'You know, love the best thing about Ruffield' he said cheerily as the taxi idled in the usual Ruffield snarl up in the roundabouts.
'What?' said Artemis wearily.
'The Slides, love, best football team we have ever had, and do you know, they might go into the 1st division....'
Abdul continued happily.
Artemis woke up. This was soccer, right, she thought hopefully.
'But I thought,' she began, primed by Brian,
'That Ruffield Thursday was the the best team, surely?'
Abdul was amazed. How had she been so misinformed, he wondered.
It was his mission to set her right.
'Winning' he explained to Artemis as they began the long haul up to Sunmore,
'Is the most important thing in life, love,'


Joolz said...

Am worried that there may not be a Laura mercier counter at all in Ruffield.

Kate said...

This is a very real worry which might result in Artemis having to go to London to visit Abdul's cousin, Rukshana who luckily lives in Walthamstow (thank God) and knows where there is one.

Digigran said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Digigran said...

I reread this, Kate, and realised that you need a football specialist. Ruffield has been promoted not to the first division (where have you been?) but to the Premiership. Leagues go Premiership, Championship Leagueand then First Division. Paul Warlock could be its the manager . A very controversial figure. Check his model out here:
Hope this helps.
CU soon

Kate said...

Yes I have been informed my reseach was not good enough.
I might have to go to a match as Artemis spends a lot of time in Ruffield going to football matches.

Joolz said...

Do not go to a football match. Repeat. Do NOT. Make a boy go, and report back.

Kate said...

This is v. good advice.
I don' think it is worth it, the pain.