I'm sure I could write the book

Del.iciou.us, which I wrote about yesterday, is essentially a labelling system.
One of our ideas in this project is that the families write their own labels to describe their artefacts in relation to narratives of migration.
If you look at this exhibition, you realise that young people have been encouraged to write their own labels, as here.
I liked this label because you could hear their voices, discussing the artefacts.
I loved reading in this book about a British museum project whereby very objects found just outside the museum in the street were carefully written up in special label language beside Egyptian artefacts, as being important and worthy objects.
Here are some examples of the labels:
A. Aluminium capped, machine moulded glass bottle in generalised form of fruit with embossed surface simulating peel.
B. Polypropylene capped, machine moulded clear glass bottle with wide mouth disguised with polyvinal chloride, shrink sleeve decorated with six-colur printing. Adapted to rubbish container by last user - contains empty crisps packet.
M. Vacuum-formed polystyrene throw-away stacking cups with rolled lip. Coloured beige to match a variety of possible contents
(Hooper-Greenhill 2000:141-2).
Now I must go and wash up:
C. Ceramic mug with England logo on it purchased at last minute in pound shop by anxious father of 16 year old for her birthday tea party in absence of any other option.
I would love to write my own labels.
What would this label say?